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Spring of Adolescence: Reinventing Yourself as a Parent of a Teenager

14 March, 2025

Are your children slowly entering the surprising period of adolescence? "Wait until they're teenagers!" - this phrase, which all parents have heard, then takes on its full meaning. Just as spring transforms nature, adolescence invites us to reinvent our role as parents.

The delicate balance of adolescence

Adolescence profoundly transforms the parent-child relationship. Like a tightrope walker, the parent must find the balance between proximity and autonomy. This is true since your child is very young, but it is even more crucial during adolescence.

Why is this balance so delicate? First, because gestures of autonomy have more significant consequences: their decisions can now impact their safety, their health, their academic future or their relationships. Second, because their developing brain pushes them to take risks while limiting their ability to evaluate the consequences. Finally, because social pressure and the need to belong to the group are at their peak, making certain choices particularly delicate.

Reinventing yourself as a parent

As Lorraine Candy so aptly describes in "Mum, What's Wrong With You?", living with a teenager "is sometimes like being in a room with a wasp: they are constantly circling around us, attracted as if to sugar, potentially ready to sting at any moment." Faced with these inevitable "stings" - sharp remarks, provocations, confrontations - we need to change the way we interact. Rather than reacting impulsively, let's learn to observe these behaviors as signs of their development, manifestations of their need for independence.

A bond that transforms

One of the most difficult transformations is to accept the temporary disappearance of this fusional relationship that we have carefully built since their childhood. This closeness, cultivated through hugs, confidences and moments of complicity, can seem to evaporate overnight. It is a necessary but temporary mourning: the deep connection is not lost, it is transformed. Once adolescence is over, a new form of intimacy, more mature and just as precious, can emerge.

5 keys to better communication

  1. Listen more, talk less Instead of giving advice and solutions, let's offer a listening ear. A simple "I understand" often opens more doors than a long speech.

  2. Seize the Right Moments The best conversations happen spontaneously: a car ride, a shared activity, a quiet moment in the evening.

  3. Keep Calm When faced with provocations, let's stay calm. A calm tone and a response like "It's interesting that we see things differently" will defuse many conflicts.

  4. Maintaining Connection If hugs become awkward, find other ways to stay close: high fives, friendly high fives, impromptu dances. Even stepping on their feet in the hallway while laughing can be a gesture of physical connection.

  5. Talk About Everything Let's create a space where all topics are approachable, even the most delicate ones. The more comfortable we are, the more our teens confide.

Conclusion

Just as buds bloom in spring, our role as parents blossoms differently during adolescence. This metamorphosis requires patience and adaptation, but it can become a time of mutual enrichment.

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